


Big brother

by avelird



Category: Elite (TV)
Genre: Depression, Drug Use, F/M, Gen, Half-Sibling Incest, M/M, Mind Games, Power Dynamics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:01:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24290239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avelird/pseuds/avelird
Summary: Lucrecia goes to NY, Valerio is in charge of las bodegas in Madrid. Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great.
Relationships: Lucrecia "Lu" Montesinos Hendrich/Valerio Hendrich, Lucrecia "Lu" Montesinos Hendrich/Valerio Montesinos Hendrich
Comments: 15
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've just finished the 3d season of Elite, and I'm very frustrated about the writers cutting off of VaLu's story. It was unfair to bring such a deep and important subject to life in season 2, and then to murder it mercilessly in season 3. So it's my own vision of their lives after s3.
> 
> Sorry for the mistakes, I don't have a beta, and I would love to, pls, let me know if you're interested :)

"¿Qué tal, linda? ¿Comó está La big manzana?"

It was quite an effort to start the conversation without going immediately into "I miss you so much, I want to be with you, sorry, I ruined everything out of my arrogance and stupidity, mi corazón, luz de mi puta vida". Too sentimental, too boring, too mad. Valerio didn't know why nobody still couldn't outshine Lucrecia, he just didn't.

"From now on English only, honey. I need to practice as much as possible, and you too!"

"¿Qué? ¿No tienes bastante practica escuchando y hablando en America? ¿Para qué necesitas mi inglés de mierda?"

"Because I want you to visit me one day, and I'm not going to be your fucking google translate all the time".

Lucrecia said it patiently, more patiently than usual, in fact. Valerio wondered whether it was Nadia's influence or not. Probably, it was.

"So could you please be a good boy? Just play along and try, hermanito. Otherwise I'll have to thank you for all the money you've sent me, and nothing more. By the way, is it legal this time?"

Valerio heard some strange noises from the other side and said, absentmindedly: "Don't worry about the money, it's all too legal for my taste. What was that sound?"

"What sound? Just some car, I'm walking down the street."

He could tell it wasn't true, no high heels chop-chop. Or maybe her preferences had changed, who knows.

"What are you wearing?" "Wow, that was quick! Are we doing this right now?" "Does it turn you on too much?"

"Valerio, we agreed we don't do this anymore, so please can you just..."

"No es culpa mía..." Lucrecia made a noise, and he sighed. "Okey, okey! It's not my fault you decided I was going to play our game. I asked you a very simple question out of curiosity, de verdad. You can send me a picture, or we can even FaceTime if you..."

"No!" she interrupted quickly. "Sorry, I didn't mind to distract you, ok? It's quite hot today so I'm wearing a T-shirt and a pair of shorts."

Really? He thought. That's strange...

"Not like you. T-shirt and a pair of shorts? I want a more accurate picture."

She laughed. "I'll send you a selfie later. Or even better, I ask Nadia to take a picture of me, a very modest picture I can assure you."

"What about your shoes?"

"Dios mío, are you a detective now? Or our father since you are sending me money? It's plimsoles, imbécil. Happy?"

She laughed again, and Valerio couldn't help but laugh too cause the very sound of her annoyed voice made him happier, much happier.

"Someone should take respinsibility and be a head of our little family clan, you know" He said trying to find the right patronizing Don Corleone tone but failed, apparently, he could almost see Lu's little smirk on the other side of the globe.

He used to this feeling. Long time ago it was him walking down the streets of Chile or Mexico, being a little bit stoned and a little bit free, talking to Lu, laughing at her all-mighty posture of the sharpest, the smartest, and, probably, the hottest of the two of them. And no doubt the most loved by their family.

"Are you kidding me?" Lucrecia said. "How's it going with the bodegas? Tell me you haven't drunk all the wine yet."

"You like me better doing drugs?"

"For Christ's sake..." he could see Lu shaking her head. "Seriously, Valerio".

"No, en serio, puedo asegurarte, don't worry. I am a very good boy, don't know whether you even like me this way. No parties, just hard work. Well, not true, a lot of this stuff but I work and don't party anymore. Well, a little bit, but wine is not my thing. And I really want to make this pretentious dick of Carla's father to feel like crap being beaten by some diecinueve outcast, so... In short, I do my best, and I really think I can do even better."

He stopped himself feeling slightly out of breath and out of character. All that was just a half-truth, or even less than a half. Again why and when he became that sentimental?

"Well, then I am very proud of you, querido. Really. I always knew that when you turn your inner fire into something actually meaningful it'll be priceless."

"Me querías antes igualmente, ¿no?"

"Of course, I love you the way you are, I said I am proud of you. The moment I stop worrying about your dumb ass will be a reilef, you have no idea. 'Cause this last school year made me miserable, I swear to God."

He didn't know what to say. The truth was too unpleasant: 'this last school year' meant mostly 'you'. It was totally his fault. Polo's death was just the cherry on the top of the constant Lu's stress caused by his stupidity. The memory of their first conversation after Christmas dinner was painful.

_Why the hell did you do that to us? To yourself, in the first place._

_I don't know, I didn't think._

_You always don't think, imbécil._

_I wanted to show you the truth. To show everybody the truth._

_You wanted me to suffer._

_No, never. It's you who makes people suffer._

_Since when you care?_

_You make me suffer._

_How come?_

_'Cause it's a game for you, like all your games: you win, everybody else loses._

_You made that video, not me._

_Again, I wanted to show you the truth._

_Again, you wanted me to suffer._

_No, never._

Did he, or didn't he? The actual truth was that he didn't know the truth. He was miserable and angry that's why he wanted to do something stupid and ugly, to feel free of his rage and agony. Wasn't it obvious that all his actions would affect them both? Of course, it was. He wanted to be separated from Lu, at any cost, the feeling of being near her following only her rules, living only by her laws was devastating. In fact, the feeling of not being near her was even more devastating.

"Valerio? Are you here? Now when you know almost everything about my clothes may I go? I have some things to do, I can call you later, ok?"

"Time difference, remember? It's later already in Madrid. Una pregunta más: you feel happy in New York?"

"Sorry, I forgot about the time! Then... I'll call you tomorrow so we can talk properly, ¿vale? Of course, I am happy, why? Everything's fine, right?"

Everything's perfect, he wanted to say, everything's perfect and falling apart without you, I miss you badly, and I'm not even drunk, I hate this so called adult life but I'n willing to live it just to make you happy, so you can afford the whole city of plimsole shoes, or whatever you want...

"Súblime, estupendo. Everything's perfect. See you tomorrow." He said instead. "Un beso, guapa en el T-shirt."

"Tres besos a ti, hermanito."

And she hung up.

Basically, you have two options, Valerio thought. You can be you... or you can be happy. But what if the only way you can be happy is through the happiness of your loved ones only? He desperately wanted to get drunk.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some childhood memories + Lu and Nadia in NY

  
  


“ _What's up, little sis?”_

_Lucrecia doesn't answer. She's twelve, she's lying on her bed, and she's crying. The world is over. She wants to die. And more than anything she doesn't want Valerio to see her like that._

“ _Go away.”_

_ He goes silent.  S he hopes it worked, and he's gone. It doesn't help, though. T he room is full of light, but her life is dark as the deepest abyss.  The bed moves. _

“ _Hey, hey... ¿Qué pasa, bombón? Who hurt my little sister?”_

“ _Nobody. Leave me alone.”_

_Lucrecia wants to sound cold and confident, but the pillow is soaked in her tears, her perfect dress isn't adjusted, her copybooks are all over the floor. The worst thing is she's still sobbing._

_Instead of going away Valerio hugs her, touches her back. Her ugly and wide back._

“ _I'm not going to leave you alone. So stop crying and tell me what's wrong, and then we'll try to fix this.”_

_She wants to believe him, but this is impossible! Nobody can help her, that's it._

“ _Don't touch me.”_

_Instead he starts to stroke her arms._

“ _You know, I can sit like this all day, it will be my excuse for not studying. Maybe, it would be a good reason even for pap á, what do you think?”_

“ _What? No! You can't tell anybody!”_

_Lucrecia gets up paralyzed with fear. Well, Valerio owes her a lot, that's why she can trust him with watching her broken and in tears. At least, now she has no choice. But nobody else, not a soul!_

“ _Then tell me what's wrong!”_

_She looks him in the eyes, hesitantly. They are dark, very dark. His curls are a mess, as usual. Well, maybe he won't laugh... maybe... he could kill her to stop this agony? Maybe they could run away to Chile? And live like pirates or whatever. No, that's not possible..._

“ _They said I am a fat mexican” she says and burst into tears again._

“ _What? That's not true, and you know it.”_

_This time she really wants him to kill her immediately, but he just hugs her again and pets her back._

“ _No, that's true, I can see it in the mirror! I am fat, and ugly, and I want to die.”_

“ _No, Lu, you're the most beautiful girl in the whole world, and the smartest one. And those idiots who don't see it, they're obviously mental, and I'm going to kill them.”_

“ _No, I want you to kill me... there's no point to be someone like me.”_

“ _Is that what you told them?” he says._

“ _Of course, not! I told them to go and enjoy their pale slendermen's limbs somewhere 'cause they make me sick.”_

_Valerio laughs._

“ _That's more like you. What's the problem then?”_

“ _I believe them.” Lu whispers.”I always knew I am fat, now they know too.”_

“ _You always knew? What are you talking about?”_

“ _I like sugar, and chocolate, and churros, and pasteles... I'm weak, and you should kill me because...”_

“ _Stop it, Lu.”_

“ _... you eat all this too, and you never get fat, never!”_

“ _Stop it, Lu. Look at me.”_

_She's in denial, but he touches her chin and liftes her head. She finds him smiling brightly at her._

“ _Why are you smiling? You're making fun of me too, aren't you?” she demands._

“ _I am smiling because you're my loveliest thing in the world.”_

_That's because I protect you, she thinks. But there's more light in his eyes than in the sun rays gliding on the yellow walls of her room._

“ _You love chocolate and stuff cause you're super smart and need a lot of glucose, all right? Even I know that.”_

_He nods at the books scattered all over the floor. Well, Lu thinks, he has a point. Smart and angry._

“ _And I don't eat that much sugar, actually, cause I'm dumb and I don't need to, that's a fact.”_

_He can be very smart sometimes, but today's victim is Lu, and she's willing to enjoy every second of being weak and dependent._

“ _But you know what?”_

“ _What?”_

“ _I was going to do some exercises, you can join me. It will be cool, I promise.”_

“ _Now you're suggesting a workout, what else, a diet? So I am fat after all?”_

“ _No, I'm suggesting some fun time which makes you stronger so you could beat the shit out of anyone who says things about you.”_

“ _I swim in the pool every day...” Lu tries to sound offended but smiles anyway._

“ _You like that stupid thing where they have cheerleaders, right? About vampires.”_

“ _Don't tell me you don't remember the title of “The Vamp...”_

“ _Ok, whatever! It's not easy to be a cheerleader. Are you ready for our little challenge?”_

_Valerio kisses her forehead, and Lu wonders why he knows her so well, he pulls her arm hard, too hard, it almost hurts..._

  
  


“Lu, wake up. I need you to wake up. What did you take?”

The voice was familiar, but it wasn't the voice she expected to hear.

“Lucrecia, ¡por favor!”

Yep, now she definetely recognized that voice de puta ma...

Lucrecia moaned and opened her eyes. Nadia's face somewhere above was dim and distant. Lucrecia blinked.

“What's wrong, Nadia? May a tired girl have a nap?” she said, her voice hoarse.

“What did you take?”

“Easy, guapa, absolutamente nada. I overslept the end of the world, or what?”

“Now I see you're really alive.” Nadia chuckled. “What are you even doing here? You promised me...”

“I know what I promised.” Lucrecia said. “This time it was completely harmless.”

In fact, it wasn't. She was in control, though. Lu had a plan, and she stuck with it, so she literally didn’t understand: why so serious? It was about 11 am, Saturday. The hall was sunny and empty, that’s why she hadn’t woken up earlier. No distant noises of the city, constantly moving and buzzing. No students, constantly searching for something or someone, giggling or brooding. It was all too early for this in the beginning of the weekend, right after Friday night, about seven hours of rest before the wheel of busy life starts working again. That’s why Lu was in the hall, pretty safe, relaxed, and alone. Until Nadia interrupted her sweet dreams and made her get up and walk back to the room they shared in Columbia campus.

“Why did you left your phone in the room? And wrote me a note? I'm not the only one who worries about you, Lu, Valerio called two times. What am I supposed to tell him?”

“Nothing. You don't have to pick my phone when he's trying to play daddy.”

“Actually, he called me. I don't know how many times he called you.”

Lucrecia sighed. What was she supposed to do? Some sleepy girl waved them good morning, Lu lazily waved in response. Were they in the same class? She guessed, no. Nadia opened the door, and Lu immediately made a metal note that she was right: the room was clean and smelled flowers and oranges she bought yesterday, which reminded them both of home; her bed was made, and she could stay there after shower. Almost heaven. She took a towel, deliberately avoiding her phone.  
  
“Lu, why on Earth you slept there? You had another type of life in Spain, I get it, parties and everything. You don’t bother me. I’m more worried when you escape.”

“What is this all about?” Lu turned around, and look at Nadia. “I’m not going to take anything except Xanax, I told you. Stop fussing around me like I’m a child.”

“You mix it with alcohol. Shall we talk about that?”

“I don’t.”

Nadia’s face became stern.

“Well, I do. So what? You think I want to commit suicide, or what?”

“Do you?”

“Of course, not, don’t be ridiculous.” Lu smirked, but it was in vain, Nadia was too acute to buy this. “I don’t, ok? I feel guilty, but I’m not going to throw away what all of you did for me.”

“Lu, you need therapy. Xanax is barely a measure.”

“I don't have money for therapy. New York es un poquito más expensive than we expected.”

“It doesn't matter, I talked to Valerio. And Guzmán agrees...”

Ridiculous! Now she started to get angry.

“I appreciate you talk about me behind my back, but thank you, I am good. You're my friend, Nadia, I don't want you to be my fucking mother, ok? I am not going to get anybody in trouble and cause more pain. So could you please, please stop?”

Three week passed like a coin flip, so fast it was impossible to notice whether you choose the right things or not. Dormitory? Check. University courses? Check. New mates? Check. New bookshelves? Check.

New smells, new faces, new standards, new quality of water. Have you ever been in States? Of course, I have. Have you ever been in Brooklyn? Of c... no, I haven't. Then you should, there are a lot of cute places, they bake the best waffles, that's for sure. Lucrecia tried to wash away every tiny thought but they came back like little noisy bees. She knew she had to make a perfect impression but she couldn't, she just couldn't. She couldn't shine anymore, she needed time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short, sorry. Valerio's thoughts.

He was scrolling through some Instagram photos, looking for inspiration. Partly, bored, partly, curious. He wasn’t familiar with all this PR thing before but now it appealed to be quite interesting since he was in charge, saw the real results of his work, tasted the real money. Not that he’d already got a lot of but still... his first fully legitimate money, so to speak. Funny, he always counted on Lu, she was his seat belt and airbag to prevent him from the ultimate and irreversible damage. Something truly dramatic had to happen to change the polarity, to reverse their places. Well, probably, not so funny.  
Señor _“Where the fuck are you?”_ and _“Are you drunk?”_ , the best combination, he used to it, it was his second nature, maybe even the first one. He didn’t mind at all. He considered these messages coming from her as a sign of care. Even love? Why not? Most common start of a romance: good girl, bad boy. Only in their case there was no beginning, and no end, just an endless circle of mutual pinning, fighting, and “never again-ing”. Whatever.  
  
Valerio remembered their first kiss, her first kiss, like it was yesterday. He was sixteen. Well, technically they kissed even before, and bit each other, and scratched, and fought, and played wedding games, and knight games, normal kids stuff. Then suddenly, they weren’t kids anymore.  
  
It was the time they were stuck in the capital of Saudi Arabia due to their father’s job. He was bored to death, tried to be cool and mature. In fact, he was alone, scared to be kicked off again, Lu was getting distant, and he was up to anything she wanted him to do out of fear to lose the only person who always cared about him. Pathetic. She made the first move, he blamed wine. Now he sells wine. Well, it’s better than drugs, right?  
  
Valerio opened her instagram profile, checked latest pictures. Nothing new, she was silent and mysterious for a while. The last photo she posted was the view from the Empire State Building with a caption _“When you didn’t show up I thought you didn’t love me anymore. I didn’t care if I lived or died”_. He knew the reference too well for his own good, there was an era when Lu was literally obsessed with Chuck and Blair, she even made him watch a bit. He couldn’t bring himself to like Blair, she was arrogant and mean, but Lu almost worshipped her at some point, and they had some pretty heated arguments over the subject. Valerio supposed the caption was a mere contribution to her teenage passion. The problem was she never actually wrote any sensible captions under her pictures, let alone quotes, and such gloomy ones. Valerio sensed something was definitely wrong. She posted the photo almost three weeks ago, no stories, no pictures since.  
  
They talked, and she even laughed. Send each other stupid photos. Sometimes, he called Nadia, just in case, she was unbearably polite, worried, and utterly useless; she didn’t know Lu like he did, so he couldn’t rely on her judgment. Lu never hesitated to be fiercely honest and bold, but she also was great at keeping up appearances for her own sake or people she loved sake. Valerio didn’t know where it placed Nadia but Lu said before their departure: “I owe her twice. Guzmán cheated with her but you were the mastermind, so I owe her twice despite this.”

So that's the truth: he fucked up. He got it all wrong. She got mad at Nadia, Guzmán, Carla, the whole world, she posted this video, he got mad at her for ruining the illusion of friendship, for being such an hija de puta madre, such an asshole, he started to see her as a villain in their story too and himself as weak, needy, and pathetic. What had he achieved? He wanted her to feel his pain, instead he got a proof she loved him no matter what and was ready to sacrifice her future for being honest. Again. What else did he want? What else? She was devastated, he was ashamed, their copying mechanisms proved to be disastrous: he ended up dealing drugs and searching for any glimpse of love he could get. She ended up decent, alone, very strong. 

_“ Lu, I need to know, please, tell me, what did he say, what did he say to you”, _ he begged her after that notorious night in the club. 

_“It doesn't matter anymore.”_

_“Please, Lu. I need to know.”_

She didn't want to answer but finally whispered:

_“That nobody loves me.”_

That was the exact moment he realized the truth: he fucked up. He betrayed her. Instead of being grateful for all she'd done for him, for one real thing in his life, he managed to ruin it. Probably, he was delusional. The old Lu would say: “Quit doing drugs, and you'll be a brand new man, that's what they say. I'll visit you in the rehab, don't worry.”

He said: “I'm sorry, Lu. I fucked up, but I gonna make it up for you, I promise.” It wasn't the right time and place to tell her: _“I love you, Lu.”_ Or _“ Tú eres mi vida, Lu.”_ It would sound cheap. _"Yeah, Lu, I love you, sorry you had to murder somebody for me to realize I should never give up on us. Let's forget about it, and move on. By the way, you drive cause I'm too high"_. He had to change things first.

Though as three month passed by it was always bad timing.  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lu is a mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are references to Euphoria and The Goldfinch because I am but mad north-north-west. Enjoy :)

“You need to sleep.”

“I've got enough sleep already.”

“On the coach in the hall, really?”

Lucrecia shrugged and turned a page. She was reading Salinger's “ _Franny and Zooey_ ”. An hour more, an hour less, who cares? She felt normal, just a bit annoyed with Nadia's constant watch.

“Just in case, we have two days off only. And I take you looking exhausted on Saturday morning as a bad sign.”

Nadia, honey, leave me alone, please, just leave me alone, wanted to say Lucrecia, but she bit her tongue 'cause it wasn't fair. Nadia really worried about her, it was surprisingly sweet and almost heartbreaking. But she was really done with opening her heart to people, at least for a while. She added a lot of names to her list recently: Carla, Guz mán,  her own family. Sometimes, Carmen, their old nanny and housekeeper, send her messages, asked questions about living in NY, and even tried to convince her father to change his mind. Carmen believed  Lu w as just  a  lonely and confused kid  though this woman practically raised  her and should know better.  At the same time she always blamed her brother and disapproved of him, for Carmen he was a lost sheep, una oveja negra de la familia, that's why Lu couldn't actually be grateful for her help: they could have avoid many arguments and cover up a lot of things if it wasn't for Carmen's so called duty to speak up  about Val's mistakes. Ah, and him, yes. His name was the last in this  short list of betrayal. Or the first, she couldn't place it properly. 

“Just go to the library already, and stop fussing about me, I told you. Think of it like a part of my tough acclimatization.” Lu said with a slight smile and waved.

Nadia gave her  a look but said nothing. They  had set up a weekly routine some time ago: Saturday afternoon was for one of them to stay home and be alone. Thank God, it was Lu's turn. 

“Do we need anything?” Nadia asked while putting her laptop and copybooks into the bag.

“I guess we're out of milk again, you drink too much cocoa.”

“You drink too much coffee.”

They both laughed.

“My bad.” Lu admitted. “Though I drink mostly americano, and you should drink arabic coffee to keep up with my expense.”

“Then we're out milk due to your pancakes, and I'm not complaining. Anything else?”

“I don't know, probably, not. I bought rice yesterday, we can cook paella.”

“That would be great.” Nadia hesitated at the door. “Lu, please, if you...”

“Go, go, go, girl! When I get back on track and will be a bitch again, you will regret every second of patronizing me while I was a meek shit, I solemnly swear.”

Nadia snorted, her eyes narrowed.

“Ok. Then see you later.”

“Yeah, bye bye, chiquitita.”

When the door slammed, Lu counted to five, muttered “hija de puta”, and tried to read the book. Franny and Lane were drinking Martinis, smoking constantly, and, of course, Lu wanted to smoke badly, but she couldn't afford it here without Nadia noticing and asking what the fuck was going on since none of them officially smoked. Lu got to the point where Franny started to explain the book she kept forgetting to return to the library when the phone came to life. 

“Go fuck yourself,” she said looking at the name on the screen. She waited for him to stop because she was not in the mood, and definitely wasn't going to talk to him right now. Though he was as stubborn as she, and, apparently, wasn't going to stop any time soon. Finally, Lu grabbed the phone. 

“Dime.”

“Tú dime. What the hell, Lu? Why haven't you answered my calls?”

“Then what am I doing now?”

“Don't even start. Where have you been all night?”

“Excuse me?”

“Where the fuck have you been all night?”

His anger was so palpable, she chuckled feeling an overwhelming mix of irritation and amusement.

“Val, I don't understand why you're so mad. Is it because you can't properly express your feelings in English?”

“Don't play with me, Lu.”

“I'm glad that you became an adult, finally, my mission here completed.”

She heard him almost roaring.

“Remember when you went off to Chile, every time I asked you to call me, worried about where you were, or with whom, or how much you took... ”

“And you've decided it's time to pay back?” Valerio asked quietly.

“No, just recalling a fun fact,” she said.

He fell silent for a moment.

“Lu, I'm sorry for everything I've done, but you're not helping. I would give anything to take it back, and you know it.”

Too late, she thought. He sounded desperate, and, actually, she liked it because she didn't want to be the only one broken. God, if he only knew how miserable she was, he would take the first plane and be here by midnight. She literally wanted nothing in life except, perhaps, his arms around her, but everybody knows where such weaknesses lead. At least, she knew by now.

“Don't be a drama queen, Val, I'm begging you. Everything's fine, I promise. I told you that I'm happy. Well, not all the time, but at least I'm ok. And don't forget, it was Friday. I was having fun with some new friends in campus, forgot my phone in the room. I left Nadia a note, for Christ sake! I don't get it why you two are so worried about my condition. I don't have cancer, not yet.”

“Because we care about you, and Nadia is your friend.”

He sounded calmer, but Lu noticed he didn't define himself. Nadia was her friend, but what about him? Who was he? Who were they? Former friends, former lovers, former lighthouses for each other? Still medio hermanos, though. What a joke.

“Really, Val, I'm ok, sitting on my bed, reading a book. Not going anywhere. I've already done my homework for the next week, I'm not going to fuck up my education.”

“You're the best, Lu.”

“Yeah, I know.” She smiled. “The other day one of the profs told me I'm too smart for such a pretty face. I'd love to report him as a sexist, but then he complemented a male student in the same way, and I decided I'm totally fine with it.”

Valerio laughed.

“You're not just a pretty face, everything about you is gorgeous.”

“Thank you, hermanito. You always say exactly what I need to hear.”

She regretted her words almost immediately, it should sound as a tease but this afternoon she seemed incapable to hide her bitterness. She knew she had to ask him some protocol questions like how are you? What are you doing now? What do you eat except cocain? Am I supposed to believe you quitted for real? How's your roommate?

But she was so tired of pretending. They weren't a family anymore.

“Lu, you promised me a proper talk. So how are you for real? What are you doing?”

Lucrecia sighed. It's her who doesn't help him? Neither does he helps her to make this whole situation less painful. She didn't even need his money, actually, she wasn't dumb, and had been saving as much money as she could till her 18th birthday, and it was a lot. Besides, she took a lot of cash. They both might not be born for a poor life, but she was ready to postpone her American dream for a few years. It was like a game, and she was a princess, lost princess in disguise. Lucrecia just hoped her so called damsel in distress situation would make him a grown-up who could handle at least his own life. Let him think her problems are mostly financial, that's the plan.

“I am fine, how many times should I repeat that line? Maybe I need to make a record for you to replay. And I'm reading a book, Salinger's “Franny and Zooey”. You've interrupted me at the most interesting place.”

“Salinger? The guy who wrote _"The Catcher in the rye"_?”

“Yeah, I'm surprised you remember.”

“I liked it!” He sounded offended, and Lu giggled.

“Of course, you did. What was the main character's name, can you tell me?”

“Nope, but he was an exceptionally cool guy.”

“Indeed. So...”

“So?” He asked.

There was a pause. Fuck it, thought Lu.

“I'm tired,” she said, and heard him saying at the same time:

“I miss you.”

There was something wet on her cheek.

“I miss you too. But you're going to come in a month, we'll celebrate your birthday together, as usual.”

“Lu, we're going to be fine, ok? Do you believe me?”

“Yes, captain. Look, Val, I'm really tired, and not in the mood for all this drama queen conversation, is it okay? We're fine. It's just I'm in the fucking States, and New York is really something, and it takes time to get shit together.”

“Yeah, Lu, sorry, I understand.”

“I'll call you later.”

“Sí, por supuesto. Cuídate, querida.”

Lucrecia hung up, put the phone down, and started crying. Damn NY, damn Valerio, damn everything. She always wanted to be a leader, a queen. Now what? She can't be the best, she lost everything, she's a murderer, in addition.

“Te quiero aquí conmigo ahora mismo,” she whispered, and closed her eyes very tight. 

Nothing happened. There was no falling star to make a wish but her. 

Day dragged on like a bubble gum: pure joy of loneliness for two minutes which then becomes tedious and tasteless. Lu forced herself to be patient. She read a book, did a quick workout, went to the common area to eat, rested while watching some meaningless videos, read a book again. Everything was planned, everything was scheduled. Lu felt like a drawn bowstring, trembling and pulsing, ready for being released of the burdens of this week, this month, this notorious year. The weather was still good, and Lu smiled checking the forecast: she wouldn’t need to carry an umbrella with her. Nadia returned about 5 pm, they talked a bit, watched an episode of “Killing Eve” together (Lu, stop joking, you’re not a serial killer!), finished the leftovers of yesterday dinner.

“I think I’m running out of dresses,” Lu said turning around and adjusting her red dress in front of their small mirror hanging on the door.

“Can't you put on the same dress again?” Nadia asked.

“Not yet. Unfortunately, all these people have a very specific type of memory, believe me, I know how their brains work.”

Nadia cracked a cold smile, but there wasn’t any coldness in her eyes.

“Do you really have to go there? You aren’t on speaking terms with your father.”

“Yes, but the fact that his friends are still inviting me is a sign he’s going to forgive his prodigal daughter and absolve my sins. In time.”

“But you’re not happy with this parties.”

“Who said I go there to be happy? It’s not for happiness, it’s for success.”

Nadia didn’t answer, and Lu look at her with pity.

“Look, girl,” she said “This is a cruel world, and we both need to survive. Trust me, it’s better to survive in a penthouse than in a sewer.”

“These people are dishonest, and...”

“Oh, please, Nadia, spare me from this shit. Nobody’s innocent, my hands are dirty too, and I’m not talking about Polo right now.”

Nadia’s expression immediately changed, and Lu threw her hand in the air.

“Don’t. You know nothing about the world I grew up in, and we better keep it this way.”

Why are they making my life so difficult, she thought, sitting in the yellow taxi on her way to one of her father's friends' house. Though it was a dumb question, she knew all the answers, she could read them like they were open books. Nadia wanted to have a friend, a real friend. Little miss Palestine missed her family, her voiceless mother and short-tempered father, who, nevertheless seemed to really love her. Or tried his best, at least. She missed Omar. Even Lu missed him a little. Nadia wanted a person she could trust, could count on, and despite all their differences and quite a bad start, Nadia knew Lu was a perfect candidate. God, her massive fault was so obvious: she was pathetically loyal to people she loved. Nadia gained her respect already, now she tried to gain her love. Every time Lu could literally see her gaze saying: “You can pretend you're a cold-hearted bitch, but I know better.” It was ridiculous but kind of sweet.

There was nothing glamorous or mysterious in the procedure, Lu stopped seeing these parties as a pleasure, and started seeing it as a job long time ago. It was an interesting job, though, her father was a good diplomat and not a bad guy unlike Carla’s father. He was a politician, not businessman. Not that Lu justified either politics, or business. She met interesting people, some of them were really smart, or funny, some of them were just useful. Some of them were dangerous. Lucrecia tried to take over from them all, she was a quick learner. But these days in New York they reminded her too much of her childhood and past she didn’t want to be reminded of, actually, she could barely handle an hour of being there amongst all these people, taking, laughing, drinking, shining while she was stuck in a cave seeing only pale images on the wall. She forced herself to stay for two hours knowing it would be over soon. She made her exit, being a bit of a smart ass and a little princess at the same time, said her goodbyes and thanks, and left the party with a sigh of relief. It wasn’t a sign of a complete relief, though.

She took a taxi, and told driver an address, St. Mark's, Avenue A. Surprisingly, it wasn’t near the Columbia campus. It took them almost thirty minutes to get there, and she started to get a little nervous. Nervous and excited. She paid, wished her driver a nice evening, and walked down the busy street, full of people, some of them were paying attention. Of course, she thought with a chuckle, look at me, I’m stunning.

She was stunning, indeed.

Lucrecia walked very fast, she couldn’t believe she waited all day, playing her different roles so well to get her ultimate reward. Finally, she saw a familiar signboard of the most ordinary bars, and started running almost. She entered, nodded to the guy behind the counter, he nodded her back, but said nothing being too busy with the clients. Lu went through the back doors.

“Mamacita! look who’s fucking gorgeous tonight! You’re early.”

“Hi, Frankie,” Lu said with a short smile, looking at a man in a cook uniform.

Who could know she would in fact need such an acquaintance. Frankie clearly wanted to hug her, but he knew it wasn’t an option. Not yet.

“In a hurry tonight, hah?”

“Very observant tonight. Just give me my bag already.”

“Una semana dura, ¿no?”

“Durísima,” she said while walking with him through the narrow and poorly lighted corridor.

Frankie was a witty guy, short and sturdy, though Lu though that drugs probably had done irreparable damage to his wits, anyway. He was the most resilient person she’d ever met who recovered from his crazy trips as a phoenix from ashes. He was half-Mapuche, he said Frankie was his cis-name. His real name was something like Raiquen, Night Bird for friends and clients. Lu wasn’t his client, though, nor his friend. Valerio was. But it was a long time ago.

“Mira, linda, you are not in trouble, heh?” He asked searching for her bag on the shelves full of all kinds of weird trash.

“No, Frankie, of course not.” She reassured him with a smirk.

“You don’t have to steal this ropa rica for money, ¿verdad?”

Lu laughed at his suggestion, he asked her the same questions every time she showed up wearing expensive clothes. It was really funny.

“No, Frankie, I borrow them, I don’t steal.”

“Not for hooking, ¿chica?”

“No, no hooking, I swear.”

He gave her a doubtful glance.

“Vale, here it is, your Cinderella’s bag is safe with Frankie.”

“You’re my fucking Fairy Godmother, cariño.”

“Don’t try to make me cry! Now go and get changed, quickly!”

Lucrecia went to the bathroom, feeling strong Cayetana’s vibes, but the reversed ones. She put off her fancy dress, undid the buckled of her golden high heels, and sniffed carefully what was inside the bag Frankie gave her. She could feel a slight lavender trace, and thanked herself for being such a cautious person. Lucrecia got dressed quickly, combed her hair, and made a loose pony-tail.

Still not as cheap as Narco-Barbie, she thought looking at her reflection in a mirror framed like a Renaissance portrait. It’s not her fault though, she just can’t help being the most stunning person in the room even wearing a worn maroon hoodie, jeans, and sneakers. This hoodie was so old she couldn’t recall when exactly Val got it. He put it on only in Chile, or Mexico, called it his lucky hoodie, cause he believed nothing bad could happen to him while wearing it. Qué idiota. Lu couldn't keep track of all the times when she found him in the most hideous places and conditions, she probably should be disgusted by this piece of trash, actually... But she wasn't at all. 

“Don't you dare to lose my things, Godmother.” She said giving back the bag where her other life was, neatly folded.

“Lu, you know that I always have a place for you here, or in any of my friend's places, ¿verdad? You don't have to work on the street, or Dios sabe where else.”

“Do I look like I work on the street?” Lu giggled, she felt much better already. 

“You look like that Julia Roberts but latina, and that's a huge complement, chica.”

“That was just a movie, Frankie.”

“Where are you going tonight?”

She shrugged. 

“Don't know yet. Any suggestions?”

“I've heard of a big thing in some Old Mexicano place, four-fives blocks from here. But be careful, mi amor.”

“Siempre. I'll be back by six, don't worry.”

She hugged him, went through the doors back to the bar, through the crowd who paid no attention to the most  ordinary -looking girl, harrying somewhere. She went out, breathed in dusty New York air, lit a cigarette, and smiled. There was the whole night ahead, freedom of memories, regrets, and her own self. 

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't have a beta + hate to reread the chapter = sorry for all the mistakes!

It was quite strange and quite new for Valerio to spend days like this: working and thinking past tomorrow. He knew a lot about drugs and alcohol but mostly in terms of using them not producing or distributing. The whole full time job thing was like a new layer of life for him. He always thought work sucks, work is for losers, for guys who don't really understand how to deal with life. What had been his existence before? He had been floating through life like a free and weightless piece of matter, and he was acutally proud of himself. While other people were getting themselves killed over some stupid things like fame, or money, he just got what he wanted. Lu always implied he couldn't live being poor, but it wasn't true, he could. In fact, he did have such kind of life in Chile, and it didn't bother him. They said he was irresponsible... But why the hell sould he? He didn't ask for any kind of life, in the first place. He, probably, asked for love... then for acceptance.

He couldn't imagine he would really love to work, but now it made sense.

It was Sunday. Before Sunday was always a day off, an after party day to stay in bed and to recover from some crazy trip. Now Sunday was a day for being with himself, to get his thoughts together, to go for a long walk.

Valerio woke up early. He lived in the city now, near Universidad Complutense de Madrid, so he could easily reach Casa de Campo and enjoy narrow green paths and broad walks along the lake. It was still too hot in Madrid so there were a lot of people already despite the fact it was only 7 am. That's why he didn't expect any phone calls, and to see the familiar name was a surprise.

“Carla?”

“Good morning, Valerio” she said, and he noticed Carla didn't sound sleepy. On the contrary, there was a glimpse of awareness in her voice.

“Good morning, indeed. What's up? Why are you calling this early. What time is it in London... like 6 am?” he hesitated. “Are you in London?”

“Yes, I am. I'm sorry, I haven't waken you up, have I?”

“Nah, don't worry.” he walked past some noisy kids with a tiny pang of regret that he's not a child anymore. No one would take him to the park to play with that infamous dog he dyed pink once. “I've raised and I'm shining already.”

“Good. You've really changed...”

It sounded weird, at least from Carla. Of all them she never complained about him being himself.

“Probably. Is something wrong?” he asked trying to understand whether she was going to play games and talk in riddles, or not. 

“I'm not sure. There's such a possibility.”

“What do you mean?”

She hesitated, then said quietly:

“Are you at your apartment?”

“Carla, what's going on?” Valerio hated when she used her conspiracy tone. He knew she was used to it because of her father and their strange and totally unhealthy relationship, but he felt extremely uncomfortable when somebody talked to him in this way. He definitely preferred his family's storms and sparkles to this snake-ish vibes. Even when his family rejected him for the thousandth time. “Is this about your father?”

“I'm afraid it is.”

Valerio sighed.

“Look, could you please tell me already what's wrong with this bastard of your dad, Carla? I'm pretty sure there are no bugs in there, or whatever... He haven't even been there! Not posh enough for him.” he chuckled. “I'm in the park.”

“You don't know him, Valerio. Otherwise you would understand me.” She sounded worried and tired.

“Discúlpame” he said. “So?.. Are you being suspicious just in case, or something really happened?”

“Nothing happened. We talked this night, I think he was a bit drunk celebrating a new contract you helped us to get. In fact, he spoke very highly of you.” Carla smirked ironically.

“This is a good thing, isn't it?” Valerio frowned.

“I'm not sure. He called you a smart boy. He always called me a smart girl when he knew I had no choice but play along.”

“Look, Carla, I'm merely an employee. I understand if he wants to bring las bodegas back, but you're still his daughter. It's not like he's going to take away your future, right? You're still a family, verdad?”

She didn't answer, and Valerio continued while turning from the main walk to one of the paths leading into the centre of the park. He hoped there would be a bit quieter.

“I don't even have a signing authority.”

“Actually, you have. When we did the paperwork, I decided it would be smart to control him through the necessity of your signature. In case he'd find out about Lu.”

“Not sure I'm following.”

“To blackmail you.”

“Oh.” Valerio realised. “You think he...”

“No, he doesn't know.” Carla interrupted him hastily. “I don't think it would be a big deal for him though...”

“Yeah, no doubt!”

“...but I had to guarantee the safety of your position, anyway.”

“Thank you, Carla. Seriously, I mean it.” Valerio said, and he really meant it.

It supposed to be a healthy morning walk, but now Valerio couldn't help but get a pack of cigarettes from his pocket.

“There's something else, Valerio. I never asked you why your family cut you off, but now my father seems to be interested, so... is it something serious?”

Was it? Valerio had no idea. Nobody except Nadia knew the truth. Samuel saw them at that Halloween party but they were drunk and high, it didn't count, people do stranger things even being sober all the time. Did Carla know? Lu and Carla were close at some point.

“How the fuck does he know that they cut me off?”

“He doesn't. He just wondered whether there were other reasons to give you this job except my ridiculous wish to do a favor to my drug dealer.”

Valerio laughed.

“Well, so, does he, or doesn't he?”

“I don't know, Valerio. Maybe. They have a parents' chat, you know. They did have questions when you moved from Chile.”

“Really? I thought nobody gives a fuck when you pay, and my father paid for the whole year.”

Carla sighed.

“Besides, why did he start asking questions now? Almost three months later?”

“I guess he needed time to get over the shock.” Carla chuckled. “En serio, I don't know so I'm worried that's why I'm calling you at 7 am.”

“Don't want me to end up like Cristian?” Valerio knew it was rude, and it wasn't her fault but he couldn't afford risking his life while Lu was alone in NY.

“I don't think you will. Cristian was a witness, you are... how did you place it? Merely an employee. With a signing authority.”

“Cristian is still a witness. And he was your lover.” Valerio reminded her. “So now your father suspects we fucked, or what?”

“I guess he tries to understand the level of your importance for me... or in general.”

“In general...” Valerio shook his head. “What's wrong with you people?”

“Don't...”

He heard a glimpse of anger in her voice and added quickly:

“Lo siento, Carla, lo siento. I didn't mean it. Actually, I'm really greatful for what you did for me, nothing to complain. So basically, your father wants to know what happened in my family, and whether there will be consequences if he does something to me.”

“Yes.” Carla said. “Do you trust a person you live with?”

“My roommate? Of course, I trust him. Oh, come on... he's not some evil guy of your father, that's for sure.”

“How do you know?”

“Cause he's a student in Universidad Complutense, and he's a total nerd.”

“Wierd choice, not like you.” Carla noted. “Just be careful, Valerio. I like you, and I really don't want to deal with Lu if something happens to you.”

“Vale, I get it, you just got a bit paranoid with all this shit. And you're scared of the rage of my sister, that's nice! I'll be fine, don't worry. Now tell me how you doing, how's London, and go back to sleep, girl, you need it.”

He couldn't see her but he was sure she smiled.

“I'm okay, London is beautiful in September. I like my college. It's a good new start. A lot of talented people here.”

Valerio knew London was Carla and Polo's plan from the beginning, and now he wanted to ask her whether she's thinking about it, about him. Imagining them together on the benches, wearing fancy trenchcoats or walking slowly under a huge umbrella together in the rain.

“Is it raining?” he asked instead.

“No, not yet.” she sounded surprised. “Why?”

Well, maybe she let Polo go and imagined Samuel instead. Valerio tried to feel something, regret or remorse, but he couldn't. He tried to imagine himself in London with Polo and Cayetana... the vision was blurry, there weren't any trenchcoats or umbrellas, just the three of them in the castle which looked like Hogwarts.

“They say there's a lot of rain any time of the year in London.” Valerio shrugged.

“Then lucky me.” Carla said. “But I think I have a chance to find out about an endless rain very soon. Well...” she hesitated. “Let me know if something unusual happens, alright? And be careful.”

He wanted to joke but held back. 

“You too, Carla. Have a nice Sunday.”

The conversation was strange but by this point Valerio realised that every conversation with Carla was kind of eerie. Maybe it was her style... He thought about Polo again. Same vibes. He liked Polo, he really liked him. For a moment he made himself believe he could build another shelter, not home, perhaps, but something real, something worthy. In the past six months Valerio tried to shut out a nasty annoying voice telling him that it's all about Lu, about giving themselves a proof he could survive without her. It turned out he could survive without Polo. Valerio didn't dare to imagine what would happen to him if it had been Lu laying there, on the floor among the shards of glass.

Valerio supressed the desire to call Lu and make sure she's fine. He lit another cigarette and headed back home. It was almost 2 am in NY.

  
  



End file.
